Well this is fucking perfect. My brother was talking about how he’s frustrated with the homestuck update game from a while ago and I just don’t want to deal with it and he’s like “what’s your deal” so I say “My problem, is that I’ve got a bunch of stuff on my mind right now, and having you rip into and complain about things that I personally enjoy and like, is not how I want to spend my leisure time.” and he comes back with “You’re too sensitive. About everything. All the god damn time. Enjoy your misery fest. And it’s not like you dont shit all over things i enjoy and you think are dumb, too.” AND I’M JUST ABOUT TO CRY BECAUSE HE SUCKS SO FUCKING MUCH LATELY AND I CAN’T FUCKING STAND IT. I’M FUCKING SORRY IF I’M NOT MR HAPPY GO LUCKY ALL THE FUCKING TIME AND ACTUALLY HAVE DEPRESSED EMOTIONS THAT ARE MORE PROMINENT LATELY. I’M SORRY IF MY EMOTIONS DON’T FIT YOUR FUCKING SCHEDULE. Maybe I also say shit about stuff you like too, but honestly? Just tell me to stop and I will.
I’M SORRY IF I STILL DON’T KNOW THE RESULTS FROM MY ULTRA SOUND FROM OVER A FUCKING MONTH AGO, SO I DON’T KNOW IF I HAVE ANY FUCKING CYSTS ON MY OVARIES.
I’M SORRY IF I FEEL LIKE I’M GETTING SICK LATELY.
I’M SORRY IF I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT HOW I CAN GET A FUCKING JOB SO I CAN MOVE OUT OF THIS GOD DAMN HOUSE AND JUST BE MYSELF.
I’M SORRY I CAN’T EVEN LIKE GIRLS AROUND YOU BECAUSE WHEN I TOLD YOU I DID YOU SAID EW STOP BEING GAY.
I’M SORRY I GET STRESSED ABOUT FINDING A JOB, HATING MYSELF FOR NOT GETTING MY LICENSE EARLIER, AND THINKING ABOUT WHETHER I WANT TO MOVE BY JANUARY OR NOT BECAUSE I FOUND SOMEONE AMAZING THAT I REALLY LIKE AND DON’T WANT A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP.
I’M JUST FUCKING DONE.
Oh my god, I just want everyone to read this fic right now because that chapter had me in tears. IN TEARS. AND JUST EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS PERFECT. AND I’M DEFINITELY HAVING KATT READ IT ONCE SHE GETS FARTHER IN HOMESTUCK. BECAUSE I THINK SHE WOULD ALSO LIKE IT. IT’S LONG BUT PERFECT.
The pairings are great, the relationships in it are well developed and possible, everyone is in character perfectly, it is written well, the style is easy to understand but also distinct, it doesn’t have DICKS EVERYWHERE WHICH IS A NICE CHANGE, AND IT UPDATES REGULARLY. Although the author said that the next 2 updates are going to be postponed due to a family emergency, I hope nothing is too serious /worry wart.
I’M JUST GONNA LINK IT BECAUSE IT’S PERFECT AND I LOVE IT.
I’m caught up.
It still have 4 chapters left.
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WITH GAMZEE AND TAVROS AND KARKAT AND JUST AHSDGLO;ASJKDFAOIAS;JKLFA;DLJKFA PLS
Dammit, I am so fucking pathetic. It’s not like I’m never seeing him again, he even said we could hang out this weekend. I just feel like he doesn’t value my friendship at all. He’s got all these other friends he’s always talking to, and he never talks to me anymore unless I start it.
Fucking shit. I am so god damn fucking pathetic.
I couldn’t even enjoy the end of Spaced because I was just getting way too fucking upset over nothing.
Fucking shit, I’m a fucking mess.
I’m gonna end this post before I hate myself even more.
I’m having a lot of feels right now
I feel really disgusted because I am addicted to pimple popping videos and I was watching a bunch of ear wax removal videos on youtube earlier, nearly puked and decided it was time to stop.
Then I get on Tumblr and see a picture of a John and Dad cosplayers kissing, which I didn’t have a problem with initially, and actually thought it was cute (for two reasons, didn’t recognize the older man as Dad, and the John looked like Trey) THEN I READ THE COMMENTS. The first one was “John loves his daddy.” I ALMOST PUKED AGAIN BECAUSE I HAVE READ THAT FIC. So I reblog it, because why not, everyone else should feel my pain too, and keep going.
Then I see that someone had drawn out that headcannon theory about Jake and Lord English, where Jake was dead, Dirk was holding his body with a huge ass calsprite hovering above them. AND FOR SOME REASON I FELT SUPER SAD. THE WAY DIRK WAS HOLD JAKE AND LOOKING UP AT CALSRITE JUST MADE MY HEART BREAK INTO A MILLION PIECES. I DID ACTUALLY TEAR UP AND STARTED SOBBING.
I’M JUST HAVING A LOT OF EMOTIONS AT ONCE OK?
I don’t know what my feelings are doing
I just ordered my wig for my John cosplay because I have BARELY enough money for it, and I was super stoked to have the money, but they were out of stock for the color I need, so I was super bummed. But Drew ordered it anyway because I looked super pathetic I guess, and now I’m happy but also still bummed out because Tarrah says they aren’t restocking for a while and it takes a week for it to get here and I want to be able to do some Omegle before AI so I still have a lot of sad feelings and I don’t know what feelings should be the top feelings. I don’t even feel like continuing my readong of Homestuck but I don’t know what else to do because the weather today is super gloomy so a walk would just depress me even more.
Love doesn’t feel real to me.
I’m not a very romantic person in the first place, but even the idea of love just seems tainted to me. I don’t think anyone will really understand what I’m talking about because even I don’t know what I’m talking about. But love, to me, is just an idea. Just a word that someone made up. Maybe I’m just being a pessimist about this right now, but I don’t think I ever have or ever will feel real true love.
I’m gonna go ahead and stop talking about nonsense because my brain is all fuzzy right now after taking my Vicodin.
So I got onto Tumblr just now
And it told me that I had 2 messages in my ask box! Well I got really excited (about as excited as someone who has to strap and ice pack to their face can be anyway) and I clicked on it! There were no new messages. Has this happened to anyone else? Or is it just me? Because now I am disappoint.
In other news though, a friend of mine is really pissing me off right now. So, you know how I got my wisdom teeth out recently yeah? Well I made a status on FB saying “Remember guys, I can have visitors. It’s not like I’m contagious and if you visit me your wisdom teeth are just gonna come flying out of your mouth. As cool as that would be to see, it ain’t gonna happen. So come visit me some time! Because I get really bored!!” and I’ll just post all the comments
Leah: This reminds me finally, I should probably see about getting my own pulled out soon, since I can’t do it next month…I guess I’ll have to get mine pulled over Spring Break. ;A;
AnadiL Lolololol…no. ;D
Me: Leah: that has nothing to do with visiting me.
Anadi: Worst wife.
(fake name) Cas: Why can’t you come visit us? Huh?
Now, let me say this now, by the time I saw the comment she left here I was kinda tired because it was a few minutes after I took my Vicodin, I was also a little grouchy because my ice-pack was warm. And even looking at it now, I still say that it was meant as a joking comment. But it’s still inappropriate.
Me: Cas, I’m not in the mood for you ridiculous sarcastic comments.
Cas: Then read it when you are in the mood? And it’s not a ridiculous sarcastic comment. It’s just a comment.
Me: You do realize that it comes across as very selfish and self-centered given my current circumstances? (Talking about my recent surgery of course)
Cas: Only if you choose to take it that way, rather than the way it was actually intended and said/typed.
I haven’t replied to her because no matter what I feel like I will end up saying or doing something that will get me either in trouble with my parents, or sent to jail. But can you honestly sit there and behave like that? “Why don’t you come visit us?” Oh, I’m sorry if I can’t just go out with a fragile jaw and visit everyone while I’m recovering from a surgery I had TWO FUCKING DAYS AGO.
I just replied to her with “So, let me get this straight. You are serious when saying that you want me, a person who is recovering from a very recent surgery, to go out and visit other people so that they don’t have to come visit me. That doesn’t seem a bit ridiculous to you? Because it seems VERY ridiculous to me.”
Anadi just commented with loling. I don’t think she read me and Cas’ convo. I’ll rant to her in private and get her take on the matter.
But yeah, if anyone decides to talk to me and I seem angry, that’s why.
I’m getting so stressed right now that I feel like puking. I hate school.
In my aquaculture class I have an assignment called Career Portfolio, in which I have to get a bunch of stuff together in order to prepare for my future career. Things like a resume, references, my goals, my school transcript, etc etc. It’s worth 100 points. This is in my AQUACULTURE class. Meaning FISH. I will never understand why my teacher assigns homework that has nothing to do with Aquaculture. The assignment is due tomorrow and I haven’t even started it because I didn’t know it was worth so many points. To be honest? This is not the job of an aquaculture teacher to teach. That teacher, in my opinion, is neither fit, nor able, to teach.
That is only one reason why I’m really stressed.
I’m getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow. In the afternoon. So that is two stressfull things tomorrow. I have cried more than once today because of stress about school and about my diet as well.
I am very hungry right now. I am limited about what I can eat. I’m also feeling really stressed about that right now.
I’m sitting in my room just silently crying because it is 7:14 and I haven’t done anything about that stupid class. I just want to cry and puke right now.
Sorry about the rant.